I lost a lot of weight, I was 10 pounds shy of what medical society would consider a perfect weight. It took a lot of work, dedication and determination. When I look back at my state of mind, I didn’t recognize it as effort, it was easy, it was a way of life. Then my Dad died, in one pull of a trigger I lost someone attached to my heart. It was and is the worst, most painful way I can think of to lose a loved one and it messed me up. It brought my world to a screeching halt and I couldn’t get back on track. I was in so much pain I wanted to die maybe that’s what I did, I died. I quit caring for myself and only cared for the health of those around me.
That was a long time ago, the pain of my father’s death isn’t as raw as it once was and I have moved on with my life. The reason I know this, is because my size, my depression and other ailments surrounding me no longer stop me from being the outgoing person I once was. I’m going to more events and I even stepped out of my comfort zone by going on a three day blogger conference. I can’t say it wasn’t hard, this amazing and wonderful experience began with the tears and frustration of buying super-sized clothes to fit my super-sized body. I wanted to represent my brand, which is myself. I didn’t want people to only see this large outer shell. It angered me, the only person I had to blame was myself and this is not who I am. I am a public figure, a wife and mother of six. How can I tell my kids and those around me to take care of themselves if I don’t do the same.
I have been reluctant to blog about my weight loss efforts. There are many reasons to avoid the subject…
- I haven’t given weight loss much of a chance, that makes me look lazy
- I know I’m going to have repeated failures, that’s embarrassing
- I’m not the athlete I once was, that is frustrating
- It is going to take FOREVER and that is depressing
I am now 150 pounds heavier than I was in that picture above and I have a lot of pre-existing conditions the extra weight has worsened.
So here I sit…
- trying not to look at all the weight I need to lose
- trying not to get down on myself for being this way in the first place
- trying not to look back and start looking forward
- trying to resist the urge to go on crazy diets
- trying to be patient with slower weight loss results, results that I know will be lasting
I must accept that I am human, I am flawed but my appearance doesn’t define me.
What I do know is that I’m not alone. Many of us are working to reach healthy goals and if it is alright with you, I would like to work together in supporting each others efforts. Each Fitness Friday I will share a new topic regarding health, our families goals, experiences from the previous week and changes we are making. I will also be reaching out to fellow bloggers and professionals to share with us their knowledge and their experiences. This week as stated above is “Beginning the Journey.” For me this is one of the hardest parts of becoming a healthier me mostly because I am looking at the picture as a whole and I don’t know where to start. Here is a little tidbit from the folks at BMI Texas to help us begin our healthy journey