Growing up I seen a lot of marriages come on go, including that of my parents and their other marriages. So when people had advice about marriage I would listen closely. The one thing I heard most often, was that a marriage needed “communication” to survive.That sounds easy enough right? Well why do so many people separate from the ones they thought they would spend the rest of their lives with? Why after so much “communication” are they apart?
I learned in one of my “Effective Communication” courses there is so much more to communication than just belting out your thoughts and trying to be heard. You have to actively listen and think about your choice of words, because words can open the doors wide to conversation or slam them right in your face.
That is where the book “The Language of Love & Respect” comes in. This book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has answered so many questions for me. My husband and I communicate, as much as possible. But there are times when the best choice of words are thwarted by the delivery of the message.
I do my best to speak in a way that shows my love for my husband and how much I respect him. But sometimes his well intended comment is delivered in a way that doesn’t sound so loving and in turn I shut off my loving communication efforts and turn on a disrespectful tone. We both are doing these things unintentionally, but because I am hurt, I no longer speak in a loving manner and he in turn reciprocates that feeling and message.
This round about form of communication only creates frustration and continues the “Crazy Cycle” Dr. Eggerichs talks about in the book. According to Dr. Eggerichs, the wife “speaks love” and the husband “speaks respect”. Throughout the book, Dr. Eggerichs has quotes from the bible that nicely cover the message given. What’s my Favorite? ‘As far as the Lord is concerned, men and women need each other’ (1 Corinthians 11:11 CEV). “She needs his love; he needs her respect.”
I am glad to have found this book. My husband and I can learn to speak to each other in a way that only promotes our love. Granted we are human and may on occasion forget to use the lessons learned, but more times than not “he will speak love and I will speak respect.” I definitely recommend this book. It is well written from an author who speaks in a way that is easy to understand. He shares the values of marriage that the verses in the bible often talk about but he doesn’t preach at you.